Archive: May 2007

One piece of cake won’t hurt

How to overcome sabotage from friends and family

by Lisa Marie Metzler

Good for you! You’re on the path to a healthier and fit body. Exercise has become something you enjoy and not just a chore. Looking in the mirror is a pleasant experience and maybe you’ve even signed up for your first 5K this spring. Unfortunately, some other changes in your life may not be as positive. Often friends and family can consciously or unconsciously sabotage your weight loss and fitness goals by tempting you with sugary or fatty foods you’re trying to avoid. Some may try to convince you to give up your gym time or training in lieu of other social activities revolving around food. How can you get over this hurdle and still maintain your relationships?

It’s not about you
When sabotage hits, Carol Kauffman Ph.D. and founder of CoachingPsychologyInstitute.com suggests asking yourself a few questions. “Where are these comments coming from? Is your growth challenging your friends and family in a way that is making them uncomfortable? Are you in fact being too hard on yourself?” Often the friend or family member may be struggling with their own weight. When they see your success first hand it indirectly places pressure on them to look at their own weight. Some individuals just want to see you happy and “let you off the hook” by encouraging you to eat tempting treats. While others may think your new healthy lifestyle will leave them out in the cold.

“Don’t personalize this or allow it to derail you,” suggests Marie Forelo, a life coach and master trainer in New York City. “It’s not about you. Some people will get inspired and others want to hold you in the same unhealthy space so they can justify not taking action themselves.”

Sadly, some sabotage is intentional. You’ll have to decide whether to distance yourself or walk away from people who don’t want to see you succeed. “If they are unwilling to support you and your fitness goals, then you’ve got to ask yourself if these are the type of people you want to surround yourself with,” says Forelo. “Upgrading your life always includes some shifts and changes. Those changes sometimes include people.”

C’mon, have a piece of cake
Most of our social activities revolve around food. Birthday parties, business lunches, holidays and a night out with your friends are likely to offer little in the healthy food department. Since you can’t avoid these gatherings you opt to choose healthy options at the party or eat at home and avoid the food all together. Granted, a piece of cake or drink with friends won’t kill your diet but some foods can trigger a downfall and avoiding them is crucial to some individual’s success. Turning down tempting foods may be perceived as self-righteous to some but as long as you’re not being preachy about what others should eat don’t worry about it. Kauffman says to relate your wellness plans to your loved ones by saying, “I’ve made this wellness plan and need to stick to it. I may seem rigid to you, but I’ve learned it works for me. Small things add up, and sometimes what looks like a small deviation can really upset the applecart."

Lead by example
Invite your friends and family to get healthy too. It’s more fun to have partners in your quest for fitness. Accountability, swapping tips and exercising together can make a big difference in your progress. “Be aware of how you’re selling this,” suggests Forelo. “If you show up energized, excited and doing great from getting healthier other people will want that too.”

Spend time together in new ways that don’t necessarily revolve around food. Instead of coffee and pastries at the food court go window shopping instead. If you really like to chat with friends online catch up on all the gossip while taking a brisk walk or easy run together. Trade in couch time with your significant other for exercising together. There’s nothing like getting sweaty with someone you love.

Still, not everyone will jump on your bandwagon. Don’t be judgmental or make them feel bad for not joining you. The decision to become healthier is a personal one and doesn’t always “click” with everyone. “Lead by example and let the results speak for themselves,” says Forelo.